You really coming over, don't trick.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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