She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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