im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just found puke in my bra..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
