we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
