Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My feet surprised me
Randomize
