i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
These tits shall not be calmed
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
