He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
