Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
