I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
