TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
