Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize