Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
