So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
