I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
