just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
