I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
