im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize