Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
