girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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