you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
