Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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