She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
