i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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