That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
