Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
