filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize