im gay
i know
yea but for you.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
