So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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