it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize