Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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