so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
