Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
