Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
