I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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