I'm going to rape someone's good day.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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