I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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