Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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