I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
