According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
