When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
