Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
