I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize