Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
