I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
