The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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