Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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