She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
