You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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