just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
