We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
