he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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