Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
