Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
