i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
