Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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