i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
