McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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