He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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