Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
