i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
3pm strippers are depressing
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
