omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
