I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
