This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize