also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
