Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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