and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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