You're so nebulous sometimes
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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