plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
