Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
