Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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