I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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