Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize