I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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