can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
