i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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