dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
