I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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