All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
