That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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