Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
