Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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