you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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